


The One Where Everyone Plays MMORPGS (Except They Don't)

by xSparklingRavenx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adding relationship tags as we go~, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Humour, I swear there must be so many of these already, I'm Sorry, Warning for bad language?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 15:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSparklingRavenx/pseuds/xSparklingRavenx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They may all be from a different part of the globe, but that doesn't mean they can't connect online to fight titans, shout at each other in various foreign languages, or just talk about their part time jobs after school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One Where Eren Jaeger Gets Killed Unceremoniously

**Author's Note:**

> Basically was born of me and my best friend's discussions in our free periods at school. The Eren portrayed in this is pretty much based off her headcanons.
> 
> Also, I should not be trusted with foreign languages so expect some gratuitous use of them. Many apologies in advance! (on another note, it's amazing how many tabs with timezones I had to use while writing this.)

_S_ _hit,_ Eren Jaeger thinks, looking around desperately for an escape. He can hear the thumping footsteps of the titans coming closer and closer, ready for the kill. He grits his teeth, pushes himself forward as he runs his fingers over the buttons that will activate his 3DMG at the slightest touch.

"A titan's coming. 12 o'clock. Be ready." Reiner's heavily accented voice says loudly from somewhere Eren can't see. Eren nods, spinning in the other direction. He hears Jean call Marco's name loudly, his tone a mix of horrified and distressed.

He blocks it out, realising Mikasa has run up to join him. Both of her blades are clutched tightly to her side. He watches her arm move jerkily upwards before she drops it back to her side.  He frowns, hearing the titan draw closer. He turns to her, confused. "What is it?"

"We're going this way." Mikasa says, a hint of strategic planning hidden in her even tone. "Follow me, Eren."

She jets off, striking the wall expertly with the wires of her gear. She's much better that he is, than he'll probably ever be; something that mildly irritates him. He mimics her actions, following behind her. As his wires propel him up over the wall, he's granted the sight of almost the entire district spreading out before him. He spies Connie and Bertholdt fending off another titan across the city, Reiner going for it's neck. The titan the other man had warned him about is fast approaching, and now he can see multiple others going after his friends. He watches Annie take one out with a quick slice to the back of the neck, hears Sasha give a cheer at her small victory.

"Eren!" Mikasa screams in his ear. He jumps upright, only realising just now he's let himself drift off. The titan swings its hand down and grabs him in it, closing its fingers around his body. He squirms in its grip, but he's _stuck._ He sees Mikasa cut at its hand in vain, her blades bouncing off ineffectively. It raises its hand higher and higher to its mouth, it's teeth looming closer-

There's a sickening crunch. Everything goes black. GAME OVER. The words flash up on the screen.

"Fuck!" Eren growls, perhaps a little too dramatically for a fifteen year old boy who has just been killed for what is probably only the 15th or so time on what is known as one of the hardest MMORPG's to have ever reached the public market. He shoves his laptop away from him. _"Scheisse!"_

"Ah, it looks like Eren's out." Christa comments as the game shuts down, revealing the webpage on which they had their webcams set up. Her bubblegum pink headset frames her face perfectly. "I guess we'll finish up with this round anyway. Everyone is taking a beating."

"Already?" Connie asks in disbelief. Eren's eyes flick to the left on his screen to find him looking down at his watch. "It's only like five!"

"Yeah, for you maybe." Ymir says, yawning. "It's midnight. I need to head the fuck to bed."

Connie grumbles, waving a small digital clock in front of the camera as if to further emphasise his point. "Aw, Connie, it's okay!" Sasha chirps. "I'll stay up with you!"

Ymir makes an over exaggerated gagging gesture before saying a quick _"_ G'night." and shutting off her webcam. Eren glances over at Annie's face out of curiosity and finds her starting intensely back at him, her headset cast aside. _Probably still playing,_ Eren thinks. He checks Mikasa's screen beside him to find she's still in too, her player character acting far more aggressively than before. He watches Annie's character fly across her screen, taking out another titan."

"Is Mikasa still in, Eren?" his best friend Armin queries, half yawning over the words.

"Um, yeah. Just her, Annie and Rei-"

"SHIT!"

"Not Reiner anymore. Just Annie and Mikasa are left. He just got, uh-"

"Eaten." Mikasa supplies helpfully, not looking away from her screen. "Stop skipping your English lessons Eren."

"So just Annie and Mikasa are left in?" Christa asks, playing with a lock of hair. "Aw, what a shame. It doesn't look like we had a very good night, huh?"

Eren crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes at his laptop screen. "We just have to train some more. We're getting our asses handed to us on this damn mission!"

"I think we've been doing pretty well actually." Marco comments. His eyes flick back and forth. "I'm reading the forums. It doesn't look like anyone's actually cleared this mission yet. This expansion pack is giving everyone a hard time."

"Nah, just Jaeger." Jean snorts in his obnoxious French accent that makes Eren want to jump on a plane to Paris and strangle him viciously. He settles for sneering at the screen. "I actually watched him just stand on the top of the building _waiting_ to get eaten."

"Fuck you, Kirschtein." Eren snaps, leaning forward to fill his camera up with his own face. "You standing around watching me was what got Marco killed."

Jean rolls his eyes disdainfully, riling Eren up further and tempting him to slam his laptop shut so he doesn't have to deal with him further. "Eh, whatever. I'm going to hit the sack." Jean mutters. "Night guys."

"Yeah...I need to go too. I have class in the morning." Bertl mumbles himself. Probably the first thing he's said all night too. Eren had forgotten he was even there. "Reiner, shouldn't you..."

"Oh shit, it's eleven already?" Reiner rubs at his eyes. "Alright, yeah, we're heading off. See you guys."

The webcams black out one by one as Christa, Armin, and Marco also say their goodnights and shut off their computers. Connie and Sasha decide to switch to private chat and switch theirs off too. In the end, only Eren himself, Annie and Mikasa are left.

"Hold on," Eren says, turning to Mikasa. "Isn't it like one in the morning in Russia?"

"Three, actually." Mikasa says. She doesn't need to elaborate further. Eren watches Annie with the admiration one might watch an Olympic runner with.

They're still at it when he goes to bed over an hour later.


	2. The One Where Everyone Discusses Their Part Time Jobs (Or Lack Thereof)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's number two! These are pretty short orz my apologies! This time we feature dorky usernames, so that's a plus? Pizza boy Marco was inspired by this post over on tumblr: http://syderp.tumblr.com/post/61750440676/i-got-carried-away-shingeki-no-pizza-and-the so credit where credit is due!
> 
> Thank you for the support so far~!

The first thing Jean says to him when he connects his webcam is, "Christ Marco, you look dead." Marco sighs, drops his head into his hands, and runs one slowly through his hair.

"You would be too if you just got in." he replies. He looks back up and smiles nonetheless. "Hey everyone. Were you all waiting for me?"

"Oh, no," Christa shakes her head, smiling. "We're not playing tonight. Both Bertl and Reiner have the flu, so they can't come on. Without a tank or buffer, we wouldn't stand a chance."

"It's like, weird that." Eren says suddenly. "How come they both get flu at the exact same time? It's not like the whole of Germany is suddenly infected with influenza. Me and Mikasa are fine."

Marco feels it. He feels it within his very soul. And then, 2.5 seconds after his premonition, his Skype box window lights up. He clicks on it with a sigh, blocking out the chatter of the others.

**jeankirschteinrocks5ever wrote:**

omfg jaeger still hasnt realised they live 2gether />D

Marco thinks there would be an easy solution to this, and as such, replies with it.

**Marco_Bodt wrote:**

maybe someone should tell him then

He watches Jean's face light up with glee on the camera.

**jeankirschteinrocks5ever wrote:**

and ruin the fun?? no way!

"So anyway, where were you Marco?" Sasha asks, taking a crisp from the green Walkers bag on her desk. "Don't you have a part time job?"

"Oh, yeah." he nods, tilting his camera to the side of his bed where his uniform lies. "Just came in. There were so many customers today."

"What do you actually do?" Jean suddenly questions. "I mean, I've known forever that you actually have a job, but you never actually said what it was."

"Oh." He's right now he thinks about it. Marco's never made any actual reference to what he does for his proverbial living. Probably to block out the horror of it. "I'm a pizza delivery guy."

"No way!" Connie's eyes almost bug out of his head. "Is it totally like the films? Do you meet hot girls and they keep ordering pizza just to see you?"

Marco gives a sheepish smile. "I wish."

He can see the metaphorical cogs ticking in Jean's head. He feels it coming. He's almost psychic when it comes to Jean.

"Jeez I wish you could deliver _my_ pizza. I'd totally keep ordering."

And there it is, exactly on time. Cue Eren in 3, 2, 1...

"Yeah, cause that's not gay or anything."

And once again, Marco's psychic visions have yet to fail him. He watches Jean process the words, and then the shouting match begins. He notices Annie, who has yet to say a word, quickly mute her headset and go back to playing on whatever portable game system she has in her hands. It's off screen, but he can see her running her fingers over it at lightning speed.

"Anyway, um, guys!" Armin breaks in when the shouting reaches headphone blowing proportions. "I was thinking, do we all have jobs? It'd be cool to know what each other do."

"Eren works in a bakery." Mikasa says. "I work in Marktkauf on the tills."

"Marktkauf?" Connie repeats, looking vaguely confused.

"Supermarket." Eren says. "Like your uh, Wal-mart or whatever. And the bakery is boring as hell. I want something cool."

"I work in the library." Christa says demurely. "I help people find what books they want and check them out."

"I thought your family were like super rich!" Sasha says. "Doesn't that like mean you don't need to work?"

"I wanted to do something anyway." Christa shrugs. "And I didn't know you worked in Marktkauf Mikasa! That's quite funny."

"Oi, I wanna know where Annie works. Everyone shout so she hears us." Jean speaks up impatiently. "On three." He counts, and he's the only one who shouts, a short, abrupt "ANNIE!". He looks at the screen with what Marco thinks is a mixture of betrayal and shock when the others fail to join him. "Didn't you hear me?"

"We heard you." Armin says pleasantly. "Where do you work, Jean?"

His cheeks tinge red. Marco almost laughs. "Uh, hairdressers...but I get free haircuts and shit, so it's great!"

"Oh, that explains _everything._ " Eren snorts. "I always knew something was up with your, uh, what was it, haircut. That's the word. Haircut. It looks free."

Clearly sensing another shouting match beginning, Armin cuts in again. "I'm a waiter." he says. "I work in a restaurant called The Surveyors."

"You're a waiter?" Eren blinks. "Never would have guessed that."

"What about Connie and Sasha?" Marco asks. "Do you guys have anywhere interesting to tell us about?"

The two look a little startled at the question, then Sasha starts laughing awkwardly and Connie scratches the back of his head. "Well, uh, you see..." Sasha says clumsily, "I kinda go to this archery club after school so I don't have time for any after school clubs. Besides, I like spending my time on here with you guys!"

Psychic vision. One half a second later and:

**jeankirschteinrocks5ever wrote:**

she means she likes spending it with connie

"Yeah, same here!" Connie nods. "I have track after school like all the time so I couldn't commit to a job. It'd be cool if I had one though."

"Track..." Mikasa says thoughtfully. "Eren, we should sign up for another after school club. Debate club just isn't enough."

"Eren? Track? Are you kidding?" Jean laughs. "Jaeger jumping hurdles would be hilarious. Sign me up if you ever do join."

The narrowing of Jaeger's eyes, the resigned look of Mikasa. Marco mutes his headphones prematurely and watches Annie as the two begin screaming each other, wondering if she just has a sixth sense about these arguments too.


	3. The One Where Eren Jaeger Has A Earthshaking Realisation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to Maya for beta-ing for me! 
> 
> And thanks to everyone else for the kudos and support so far <33!

Reiner logs into the webcam website with a heavy head and an even heavier stomach. "Oi, Bertl, I'm going to chat to the guys." he calls over to his roommate, before turning back to the screen.

It loads after a few moments, granting him the sight of the others chatting animatedly. "Hey guys," he says croakily. "Guess who."

He gets bombarded in moments with ' _are you okay'_ and ' _hi Reiner'_ and' _how do you feel'_ so he just cracks a wide grin at them all even though he still feels a lot like shit. "You look really pale." Armin notes concernedly. "Are you sure you should be on?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. It's kind of a blessing actually. I got time off work _and_ I didn't have to finish my assignment that was due today." Reiner laughs heartily despite the fact he really would like to heave his stomach all over the desk. He refrains. Bertholdt would have his head if he did. Or not, because Bertholdt isn't that kind of person, but he'd probably still decapitate him with his mind and make him clean it up anyway. "So, what did you guys get up to in me and Bertl's absence?"

"We didn't bother trying the mission again." Armin says, scribbling at something on his desk. "We'd stand no chance without you tanking our hits."

"Not true." Annie mutters in her rare, pointed accent. Reiner swears she gives everyone whiplash with the way they all stand to attention at her sudden input. Annie Leonhardt's opinion is an extraordinarily rare event that must be watched and listened to at full attention. "It has an easy solution. I've figured it out."

"You have?" Eren exclaims excitedly. Reiner thinks he might be bouncing up and down in his seat. "Tell us then! I am so sick of being creamed by that fucking titan."

"We need people like you to stop screwing around." she states sharply. Reiner can't help the laugh that escapes his damaged throat, and seconds later the others erupt into varying degrees of laughter. Eren stares dumbfounded. He recovers after a moment, and starts scratching at his teeth agitatedly instead. Annie rolls her eyes, while Jean pulls a face of disgust.

"Tch, whatever Annie." Eren growls. "Oi, Armin, that homework you got there?"

Reiner is content to listen to the rest of the chatter as background noise, but quickly realises one abrasive voice is missing; one abrasive Swedish voice to be precise. "Where's Ymir?" he asks.

"...Wasn't here yesterday." Mikasa notes contemplatively.

"Or the day before." Marco adds.

"Ah, I'm sure she's fine." Sasha chirps as Christa nibbles the edge of her lip. "Ymir is always like this."

"Yeah," Connie agrees. "It's why we make her play the less-great characters. She's totally unreliable."

He hears Bertl get up behind him and head out the door. Jaeger's eyes suddenly focus, and then he shakes his head seemingly to himself. "What did you guys do yesterday anyway?" Reiner decides to ask when the conversation falls quiet.

"Our part time jobs," Marco sighs. "Or, lack thereof in Connie and Sasha's case."

Their singular cry of indignation makes Reiner's head pound, but he laughs it off.  "Part time jobs, huh?" he says as the door opens again, signalling the return of his roommate. "I work in a garage, learning to fix shit. Bertholdt is this waiter in some little shitty restaurant and - Hey Bertl, you okay?"

"Yeah," Bertholdt replies weakly. He comes and sits beside him, his face pale. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, _sure_ you are. Go back to bed." his request is answered by Bertholdt's head dropping onto his shoulder. He sighs fondly, then realises the only thing he can hear out of his headphones is Sasha's chorus of _'awww!'_

His eyes zero in on Eren immediately, watching the metaphorical cogs tick in his literal pea sized brain. The scratching stops. Mikasa drops her head into her hands as if she can sense the stupidity before it even leaves his mouth.

"...Did Bertl just like walk across Germany to go to your house or something?" is Eren's final offering.

Jean falls off of his chair, and while his face is absent all Reiner can hear is his laughter. The others, minus Annie who has returned to playing with something off screen, all start choking, trying to hold their splutters in. Eren looks on, mortified. "What?! How else would he be there?!"

No one graces him with an answer. Reiner is too busy wheezing to indulge him.

It's Marco who comes to the rescue in the end (amid Jean's protests of, "No Marco, don't ruin my fun!"). "They go to the same college." he says neutrally, having only just gotten his laughter under control. "So they live in the same apartment."

"You're screwing with me." Eren accuses. "No way they can live together.

Reiner snorts. "You think I can afford this shitty little apartment myself? You think way too highly of me Jaeger. Bertl and I had to scrape together just to keep up with you guys and this new expansion pack crap, and trust me, he wasn't happy about it." he finishes with a coughing fit. Ah well, it's the longest speech he's given in three days. He's proud of himself. Any longer and he might turn into Bertholdt and only speak once every seven days when a lamb is given up to be a sacrifice and Eren Jaeger actually gets good at Attack on Titan.

"You can't live together." Eren repeats. He's back to scratching his teeth. "Nuh uh. Your camera is like...broken, yeah, that's it, broken, and Bertholdt just like crossed over into it or something."

"That doesn't even make sense." Armin says. "Keep going to your English lessons and you _might_ eventually be able to craft an actual meaningful sentence. Besides, you and Mikasa live together.

"We're siblings. Your argument is invalid." Eren says proudly.

"Stop using phrases you find on the internet." Mikasa chides.

"Wait," Eren cuts in, ignoring Mikasa completely and looking as he if he's just discovered the answer to why the sky is blue and the grass is not (and Reiner doesn't think Eren _does_ know why the grass isn't blue but that's another story). "Does that mean Reiner and Bertholdt are brothers?"

Now it's Reiner's turn to choke. He covers his mouth in a vain attempt to stop himself, but it's too late. He doubles over, knocking Bertholdt off his shoulder. The other man raises his head, blinking tiredly. "Reiner?"

Reiner can't help himself. Eren waits expectantly. Knowing there will be consequences, but damming it anyway, he waits for Eren to pick up his drink that's been sitting on his desk this entire time, and then goes in for the kill:

"Nah, Bertl and I are fucking."

Eren spits his drink everywhere, prompting a disgusted gasp from Mikasa. Bertl gives his own, horrified one beside him. He's not going to get a bed tonight. He can tell that now.

But damn was it worth it.


	4. The One Where Annie Leonhardt Almost Causes a Heart Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Maya! Thanks as always <3
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! I really appreciate them and they make my day whenever I get them! At the end of this chapter I've included a list of where everyone's from in this AU for convenience!
> 
> I'm sorry this is so short!

Bertholdt only has one wish right now. He's never been the type to ask for much, so he wonders if he actually has a chance of getting it to come true. All he needs is to rewind one, maybe two weeks so he can actually spend time studying for his final tomorrow instead of wasting all of his time being bullied into playing Attack on Titan online.

But unfortunately for him, wishes don't come true, which is why he's still awake seven hours before his exam is scheduled with Reiner studying next to him. Annie's face is the only one visible on their webcam site, her headset firmly on her head for once and a whistle hanging around her neck. She had come to their rescue around two hours ago at midnight when everyone else had left despite it already being three or so in the morning for her. "I'll help you out." she'd said stonily. "You will not fall asleep with me here."

So here he and Reiner are, half asleep and struggling to keep his eyes propped open. "History of engineering..." Reiner mutters tiredly as he flips the pages of his textbook. Bertholdt glances through his own, looking for the right page. He can feel Annie's staring eyes on them, waiting for any sign of their brains shutting off.

He focuses back on his book. Poetry. He hates poetry with a passion. The temptation to throw in the towel and flunk tomorrow's final reaches an all high. The only thing keeping him from giving in is the fear of Annie somehow finding a way to Germany from Russia (probably via tunnelling, but who knows, this is _Annie_ he's talking about and she's probably got a plethora of ways to get to where she needs to be) and physically kicking him into action.

He rests his head on the desk as he makes his dull notes, using one too-long arm as an unsurprisingly uncomfortable pillow. "Bertholdt." Annie says over her microphone, her tone remotely threatening.

"I-I'm awake." he promises. "Writing notes on, um, classical poetry."

He hears Annie give a little ' _humph'_ of acknowledgement. He doesn't lift his head to meet her soulless eyes. He swears sometimes that she's the scariest thing he's ever encountered in his life, and Reiner _has_ made him watch his entire horror movie collection. (All on DVD and/or VHS and filled with gems Reiner notes proudly, such as Insidious, Paranormal Activity 1, 2, 3 _and_ 4, The Grudge and Chucky. All subtitled in German, might he add.)

He feels the hours tick by, listens to Reiner's pens and pencils scratch the paper beside him. Every time he dares to sneak a peek at Annie-the-horror-film-Leonhardt, she's either staring straight back or fiddling with the drawstring of her hoodie. He has to admit he's a little impressed. It's been over three hours since their studying began, meaning it must be at least six in the morning for her now. That means Annie has literally gone all night without one of her precious portable gaming devices, and for Annie that deserves a medal.

Around half five he finds the notes on poetry in all its forms blurring in front of his eyes. He shuts them briefly, just to stop the sting-

Something sharp, shrill and _loud_ pierces his eardrums. He jumps up immediately, his headset clattering to the floor (and taking the noise with it), his heart hammering against his ribcage and his hands shaking. "Reiner!" he cries desperately, a million and one different scenarios dashing through his head. He takes the first one that seems even remotely plausible and screams in fear, " _Feuer_!"

His high pitched shriek succeeds in frightening the ever loving shit out of his headphone clad roommate, sending him clattering off his chair. Reiner hits the floor hard, looking up at him with the most puzzled expression Bertl has ever seen him wear in his entire life. "Jesus Bertl!" he groans, looking around. "It was just Annie's goddamn whistle. There is no _fire."_

"But-but-!" he starts to protest when there is a huge _thump_ against the wall that cuts him off quite promptly. Reiner winces. Bertl turns around, his heart slowly calming. "Oh...was that...?"

"Looks like we woke up Gunther and Erd." Reiner sighs. "Fuck, they've got their own exams this morning. They're going to be pissed."

Bertl cringes, looks back at Annie, and drops onto his bed with a sigh. Reiner looks over at the screen himself, and can't help stifling a laugh.

He's probably going to fail his exam, but making Annie smile has to be an achievement on it's own, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, Christa - Germany  
> Armin - England  
> Sasha - Scotland  
> Jean - France  
> Marco - Belgium  
> Connie - America  
> Ymir - Sweden  
> Annie - Russia
> 
> There is an image hanging about the internet that I based this upon...I believe it can be found by googling 'Shingeki no Kyojin nationalities'. Either way, thanks for reading!


	5. The One Where It's Pronounced J-ah-n Kirschtein (Not J-ee-n.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by Maya! Thanks <3
> 
> And thanks once again for all the kudos and comments~!

There's nothing quite like logging into _Attack on Titan_ and the first thing you hear being Eren Jaeger's voice screaming at the top of its lungs to "Kill all the fucking titans!" It's a special brand of irritation that is instilled into Jean's chest at the sound, one that can't _quite_ be achieved by anything else, and for that, Jean thinks, Jaeger should be at least _some_ what proud.

"Hey Jean, where have you been?" Marco calls over Jaeger's seething voice. "Sorry we started without you, but it was getting late and Connie started moaning about time zones."

Jean promptly ignores Connie's pathetic attempt at defending himself and talks over him instead. "That fucking Levi guy." he says by way of explanation. "Caught me with my phone in class. Sorry I didn't text back, man."

"Your maths teacher?" Marco laughs. "I guessed something like that happened."

"Oi, Kirchstein!" Jaeger shouts out in his grating, headache inducing voice. He has to wonder how Mikasa can even _live_ with that constant screeching. At least he can't see the webcam. He doesn't need to witness Jaeger's gross offering of the evening, thank you very much. "I've got a question."

_Oh._ This will be good. "What could that _possibly_ be, Jaeger."

Eren's avatar moves closer to where Jean has just spawned on the wall as if their two soldiers are having a private conversation amidst man-eating monsters. They still haven't progressed on this damn mission, probably due to Ymir's prolonged absence, and Reiner and Bertl's brief stint at being ill on top of their exams (which Jean thinks they both failed going by their continued silence on the subject). "What I wanna ask," Eren says slowly, "is why Marco says your name wrong all the frickin' time but you don't ever call him out on it."

Jean gives an almighty eye roll, that, if seen, would lead to an all our snark-fest with Eren screaming his enormous lungs out at him for being a pretentious bastard. " _Au contraire,_ Jaeger." he mutters. "Marco's the only one out of all of you to actually say it _right._ "

"No way." Eren says immediately in that Eren-like way of his that makes you want to rip your hair out and set a pigeon on fire. The irritation spreads further throughout his chest. "It's spelt J-E-A-N. That's totally ' _Jeen'"_

"It's fucking _French,_ not English, you prick. I think I know how my own name is said." he retorts, more that marginally frustrated. He's fighting a losing battle already.

"It's stupid." Eren snorts. "Oi, Armin, how's it said?"

"Uh, wait one second!" comes Armin's flustered voice. Jean adjusts his camera angle to see over the wall and quickly understands why. Armin's 3DMG has seemingly run out of gas and as he flicks the camera upwards he sees him get snatched up by the titan he _had_ been fending off. Reiner and Sasha try to get him free, but to no avail. "Oh bloody hell." he cusses as Jean watches him get eaten. "What did you want again, Eren?"

"How's Kirschtein's name said?"

"Uh, here in England we'd say _'Jeen',_ but because he's French maybe we _should_ say-"

"Great, then Marco says it wrong."

Armin sighs heavily and goes back to ignoring the two of them and Jean feels like there's a volcano in his chest. A very large volcano that might just erupt with annoyance at any moment. "It's fucking ' _Jahn'_ okay!?"

He's shouting so loud at Eren that he doesn't notice the titan thumping towards them until Marco calls his name rather loudly. He jumps into action, shoving the buttons down and sending his player character forwards and straight off the wall. Quick thinking lets his 3DMG fire into the nearest wall and he only loses a tiny bit of his life-bar from the sudden stop. Eren goes off running the other way, only for the titan to go racing after him.

"Hey, Jaeger, call my name right and _maybe_ I'll help you." Jean says smugly. His skills with the 3DMG are second to none (except _maybe_ Mikasa but then she's good at everything so she doesn't count) and _everyone_ knows it. He could have Eren out of there in seconds.

"I'll pass." Eren says, unbelievably. "It's _'Jeen'_ anyway."

Jean mutes his headphones, and pulls up the private chat box to talk with Marco as he plays.

Fuck Jaeger and his shitty IQ level.  


	6. The One Where Ymir Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for beta-ing Maya! 
> 
> A chapter title that fits in the index box? I'm stunned! I also apologise for any inaccuracies in Eren's German! Google translate is the only resource I have ^^;

It's been over a week and a half since Ymir suddenly disappeared from their online circle, so when Skype claims _iloveblondes_ is online Christa sighs in relief. She pulls on her pink headset and quickly signs into their webcam site, a smile pulling at the edges of her lips.

Lo and behold, the first thing she sees (and hears) when she connects is Ymir mouthing off rather colourfully to Eren. Christa tries to stifle a gasp at her appearance - stringy, matted hair, mussed and dirtied t-shirt, smudges of grime on her face, and, most awful of all, a harsh looking black eye.

Ymir notices her presence immediately, a goofy grin spreading over her face. "Christa, babe!" she clamours, "Jesus, help me out. Eren Jaegerpiss thinks I'm faking this shiner."

"Where have you been?" Christa blurts with concern. Connie nods intensely, voicing interest in her answer. Everyone falls silent, waiting for what surely is to be the climax of a positively riveting tale.

"I dunno." is her final answer, along with a shrug for good measure. "I remember leaving my house, and then I lost like an entire week - seven days?"

"Ten." Mikasa interjects. "Ten days."

"Nah, has to be seven. The other three are kinda clear. God were they good." she gives a shit eating grin at the thought. "But, then I woke up this morning in the back alley of some bar with this huge black eye-"

"Which is fake." Eren cuts in.

"-Which lead to my current spat with this squirmy little bullshitter." Ymir finishes with a smug smirk. "It's totally real, you dimwit."

Chsita sighs, all of her attention directed towards the other woman. "Are you okay?" she asks. "You should be more careful, Ymir."

"Now see, _this_ is why I love you to pieces. So sweet and caring, my little Christa is." the Swedish undertone makes her a little hard to understand. That or she's drunk (which is a highly likely possibility). "I'll try for you, honey."

"Fake." Eren mutters. Armin's eyes narrow. "I'm just saying!"

"Aw, we're glad your back, Ymir!" Sasha says cheerily. "Hope your eye feels better soon!"

Ymir laughs, rubbing at it as if it still pains her. "Eh, with the lovely Christa's passion and support, I'm sure-"

"There!" Eren cries, pointing sharply at the screen as Ymir lowers her arm. "There's the...the... _scheisse,_ Mikasa, _was ist das wort!?"_

Mikasa looks intently at her screen. "Ah. Evidence." she supplies. "That's the word you're looking for."

"Yeah! _Das ist_ evidence!"

Ymir looks vaguely confused, then spies the smudge of black and green on her own arm from where she'd rubbed her eye. She stares at it, her face blank, and then turns quickly back to the camera. "You little pisspot! That's easily explained! It was just, uh, worse a few days ago so I-"

Christa can't stop herself and she bursts into a fit of giggles. "Oh Ymir. I get it, it's okay. I'll still worry over you anyway."

She notes the incredibly satisfied look on Ymir's face as she says that. "Course I know that. Big fuck you to Jaegerpiss over there."

Eren turns away, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. Christa sighs good-naturedly.

"Hold on a minute though." Marco says contemplatively. "You said you woke up with the black eye this morning."

"Your point?" Ymir deadpans, picking at her fingernails with disinterest.

"But now you're saying it was worse a _few days ago."_

Ymir stops, looks at the screen. "...Fuck you. I'm going to bed." she mutters, leaning over to her webcam and her little screen going black.

Five seconds later, Christa's Skype box lights up.

**iloveblondes wrote:**

can u believe those assholes! u still care, rite?!?!?!

Christa smiles, quickly typing back.

**blonde_princess wrote:**

If you carry on like this, then maybe not...

Ymir responds with an entire line of rather distressed looking emoticons and Christa can't help but collapse into a heap of giggles. _Sorry, Ymir,_ she thinks, _but I think I win this one._


	7. The One Where Connie Springer Is Not The Focus Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Maya for beta-ing! (And for the idea of Connie's sister)
> 
> And thanks to all of you for comments/kudos! They really make my day! This time we feature stupidity and artistic licence. I have no idea what happens if you do set fire to a potato, but chances are it isn't this!

"Agh, dammit!" is Eren's final contribution as Connie watches his face screw up in irritation. "I hate this mission! Can't we just finish it for once?!"

"You out again, Eren?" Connie asks despite already knowing the answer, clicking the Youtube link Sasha just sent him on private chat. Her message underneath reads ' _how dare they!'_ He hears Eren grumble something under his breath as the link loads about "Fucking titans," and then Connie is greeted with the sight of someone setting fire to a potato.The poor thing shrivels up and leaks out with all of its potatoey-fluids, and for some reason he finds this inexplicably funny. He snorts loudly, and moments later his Skype box lights up.

**spuddies1 wrote:**

i hear u, tra8or!

He opens the webcam site back up and looks for her face. She looks happy enough, but how did she hear him over Eren's ranting?

Super hearing. It's the only answer. With a grin, he types back:

**springles wrote:**

bUT THE POTATO LIKE DIED OMFG I'M CRYING-

He barely hears the door open behind him - probably just his sister looking for something after all - and ignores it in favour of the others who, by this point, look rather sick of Eren. Annie, as per usual, has already discarded her headset, her eyes focusing intently on the screen. Marco, assuming he's even still playing, has gone AFK, his face mysteriously absent. A quick check finds Jean missing too, and Connie bets all of his allowance for that week that they've left Eren to his own devices to phone each other instead.

He looks over to Mikasa and Armin, the two of them wearing different degrees of 'irritated' over their faces (and if he were to judge, he'd say Mikasa was at Mildly, while Armin is at Extremely). Even Bertl and Reiner look tired of the whole thing. Sasha keeps rolling her eyes periodically, but she smiles all the same.

**spuddies wrote:**

mourn the potato w/ me. mourn it

"Hey Con," his sister says, suddenly leaning over his shoulder and shoving her face in the camera. "'Spuddies', huh? Close that, lemme see the other page. These are those little friends of yours, right? So, which one is your cute girlfriend?"

He freezes, mostly because her mouth is so close to the microphone and there's _no way in hell_ that the others didn't hear her. Eren shuts up. Everyone else refocuses their attention, and there it is: the shattering, mortifying silence.

It's Reiner, of _course_ it's Reiner, who breaks the ice. "Woah, Connie," he says in awe. "That your sister? Cause she is a _babe."_

Bertholdt looks at him like he's committed murder. Usually Connie would find that hilarious, except he doesn't because a) Reiner is speaking and b) he is calling his sister a _babe._

"Is the blonde guy saying something?" his sister asks. "He's not this so called 'girlfriend' is he? Now that I have anything against that or anything but bro he is way too macho for you."

He waits for the ground to open up and swallow him, now preferably. "Go away." he mutters.

"Is she your sister then?" Sasha asks, bouncing animatedly on her seat. "Oh my gosh Connie's sister! I totally want to talk to her! Put her on!"

"But-"

"Aw yeah, put on your sis." Ymir says. Christa gives an apologetic look. "Come on, bugger off. Let us have our fun."

"No-!"

"Take it for the team, Connie." Eren adds. Armin sighs audibly.

Seeing he won't get reprieve - Sasha has her puppy dog eyes on, and a quick Skype message has her reminding him of his traitorous behaviour towards potatoes - he reluctantly gives up his headset to his sister and goes off to mope on his bed. "Hey," his sister says cheerfully. "So, first things first. Which one of you has my little bro got the _total_ hots for?"

He thinks he watches Sasha jump up and wave her hand in the air with the enthusiasm of a kindergarten kid. He buries his head in his pillow and resolves to never go online ever, _ever_ again.

"Oh my god, your accent is _so_ cute sweetie! I see why Connie loves it so much!"

That's it, he decides. He's deleting his account. And everything else that will ever link him to the internet.


	8. The One Where Eren Jaeger Becomes A Titan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maya's not around to beta for me for this chapter, so I did a quick check through and everything does seem to be in working order...If you do see anything wrong, don't hesitate to tell me!
> 
> A longer one for once! This one is actually my favourite, so I hope you enjoy it too! Kase Locken are basically the German version of wotsits, or if you're American, cheetos! Again, google translate was used for Eren so it's probably chock full of bad grammar, and finally, artistic licence is prooooobably in place for this one haha! 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments~ <3

Eren growls at the screen, the letters spelling out GAME OVER appearing on his screen for the umpteenth time. "Agh! I'm so done!"

"I'm reading the forums." Marco says. "People are starting to come up with strategies by the looks of it. Some of these actually make sense."

"Fuck their strata-whatever's-"

"Do you even know what a strategy is, Eren?" Armin cuts in.

"Who cares?! I just want to finish this mission!"

There's a collective murmur of agreement, and then Reiner says, thoughtfully, "Oi, Eren, I have an idea. Restart the mission, everyone. I've got this thing I've been _dying_ to try out."

Eren frowns. "This had better be good." he mutters, collecting the guild together and leading them to the start point. "Okay, we're there. Where are you, 'cause we're ready."

"Just start the mission. Me and Bertl are there."

Something smells, and it's not Eren's bowl of Käse Locken. Reiner's probably up to something, but Eren isn't nearly intelligent enough to figure out what. "Alright..." he agrees tentatively. "Mission start!"

The screen changes, showing all of them lined up on the top of the wall. There's the titans, lumbering around as per usual, and in the distance the Colossal Titan is busy kicking in the wall. Everything is as it should be, except...

Bertl and Reiner are nowhere to be found. Eren spins his camera right and left. _"_ _Siehst du Bertl und Reiner?"_ he asks Mikasa. She shrugs.

"We understand you, idiot." Reiner's booming voice informs him. "Turn around and _then_ you'll see us."

Eren flings the camera around and stops short. " _Was zur Hölle!"_ he cries. "Another Colossal?!"

"Not quite." Reiner snorts, and then Eren spies the slightly smaller, armour plated titan in front of the Colossal. He jams the buttons to prepare his 3DMG when Christa lets out an _'ahhh'_ of understanding _._

He pauses. "What?" he asks, gnawing the inside of his cheek. "Come on, there's titans coming!"

"Look at the username above that titan's head." Christa tells him.

"Username?" Eren zooms in. "thearmouredtitan...?"

"It's Reiner!" Sasha and Connie call out simultaneously.

"That's me." the college student affirms.

"One sec," Armin says, "Does that mean the other Colossal is..."

"Me," Bertl confirms in his meek voice. "Um...Reiner hacked the game, but now I can barely move. I'm so slow...this isn't really all that great."

Silence. Eren thinks everyone else is too amazed to comment, and then, surprisingly, Annie speaks. "The hack." she states. "Give it to me and show me how to use it."

Seeing he's being upstaged, Eren puts his foot down. "Wait, me too! Come on Reiner!"

"Sure, sure." Reiner says agreeably. "Anyone else?"

"No." Mikasa says bluntly. "I can beat them without it."

"Y-yeah!" Jean agrees. "Mikasa's totally right."

"Hmm..." Ymir hums contemplatively. "Eh, fuck it. Gimme it too."

"I think me an' Sasha are good." Connie says.

"Hold on a mo," Reiner says. A few seconds pass. Marco asks if he can hurry up because the titans are closing in and his computer keeps lagging. Armin grumbles under his breath. "Alright, check your Skypes. Download the file, run it, and then change the code to whatever you want. There's some titans in there who were like dummied out during development and can't be accessed in the actual game so that's pretty cool."

Eren does as he's told, excitedly waiting for the download bar to fill. He runs it immediately when it's down, cycling through the code choices. There's the generic types. the Colossal and the Armoured, and then there's some unfamiliar ones. He like the sound of the _Rogue_ Titan, and clicks it to install it.

"Okay, I'm restarting the mission!" Eren declares once he's picked. "Hope you're all ready!"

He hits retry and _holy shit_ it's so _epic._ There's five titans on their team now; they literally _can't_ lose. He charges forward immediately, activating the button that would usually propel his gear into motion out of curiosity. His titan avatar swings its fist straight into the nearest enemy titan, taking its head off like a golf ball on a tee. " _Dies ist Ehrfurcht!"_

Annie comes rampaging in next to Reiner, her titan vaguely feminine. She grabs a titan that's busy tormenting Sasha and Connie and rips its neck out without much effort. Bertl, unfortunately, hasn't managed to move much past the wall and is lagging behind. Ymir's titan hangs back with Christa, bashing away anything that comes near her.

"Fuck!" Jean curses. Eren looks over and sees with a titan, its hand tangled in his wires. "Little help before I get swung to death please!"

"I'm coming!" Armin shouts, but Eren's already running. He grabs the titan and shoves it to the floor with ease, momentarily forgetting that it's still got hold of Jean. His health meter empties the moment he smashes into the floor. "Um, Eren, you-"

"For _fuck's_ sake, Jaeger!"

Eren shrugs off Jean's oncoming string of insults and decides to go straight for the enemy Colossal titan. Defeat it, and mission complete. With his handy titan form, it won't be a problem. He's got this in the bag.

He starts running again, darting past titans and be heading straight for the Colossal. "Hey, Eren!" Sasha cries. "Wait, help us out Eren!"

"I'm gonna finish this mission!" he replies, diligently carrying on his plight. Armin and Mikasa flank him on either side, picking off the smaller stragglers coming after him. In the distance he watches Jean respawn directly into the path of Annie, who accidentally stomps on him in her own marathon. Eren snorts loudly.

He reaches the Colossal quickly enough and he figures that maybe Bertl would have been the better choice to take it on. It's _huge._ Eren punches experimentally and is pleasantly surprised when it has a significant impact on its health bar. "This is going to be easy!"

The Colossal titan reaches down to grab him, allowing Eren to run around its back and continue his barrage of attacks. The health bar depletes steadily. "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it-!"

The screen suddenly freezes, a small rectangle appearing and claiming that 'ADMIN1' has kicked him from the server. "Huh?" he says as the rest of them emit similar noises when the game shunts them back to the title screen. He stares dumbly for a minute.  "...Are you...Are you _kidding_ me?!"

"Oh." Reiner says, sounding a bit pained. "Um, guys. Don't check your emails. Trust me. Just don't."

"Already did. We've been banned. All of us. For 24 hours. Because our guild was hacking." Armin states in disbelief.

"But the mission!" Eren protests. "I was so close!"

"Oh, that's a shame." Sasha says sadly. "Hey, Annie, what will you do now?"

Eren's quite surprised when her Russian voice answers. "I still have to fill the new Poké-dex." she says evenly. "I have plenty to do."

"You play that crap?!" Eren yells, earning himself a death glare. "But who cares! We're banned!"

"For 24 hours." Marco says helpfully. "Well, 23 hours and 58 minutes now."

"I blame Reiner." Mikasa says.

"It'll be good for him." Bertl says, scratching his head. "He has assignments to do. So do I, actually."

"This sucks." Connie groans.

Eren flops back onto his bed. He can't agree more.


	9. The One Where Armin Arlert Is Definitely Not A Chav

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the beta, Maya!
> 
> Write what you know they say, so I wrote...kinda what I know! Poor Armin.
> 
> Writing Eren is too much fun!

"You know," Sasha says dejectedly, munching on the end of a Pringle, "being banned is really boring."

Armin would usually agree but he has a stack of homework to get though, so maybe it really is a blessing in disguise. He scribbles some answers down on the maths problem in front of him as quickly as he can before he thinks Eren will decide to answer for them. He gets three down before Eren fails to disappoint him, so not quite a record. In the past he's managed at least seven.

"It's all Reiner's fault." his German friend declares, chewing furiously at the end of the straw protruding from his drink. "Him and that stupid hack thing."

"I'd like to see you say that with him around," Jean snorts. "And anyway, you were the first one to jump on the hacking bandwagon. But we're missing like half our numbers anyway. Isn't it Saturday? I know Marco's out at work but where's everyone else?"

"You know Annie." Christa says. "She only comes on to play. With us being banned, she's probably away doing other things."

"Yeah, and Bertholdt and Reiner said something about assignments yesterday." Connie reminds them.

"Mikasa's at work too." Eren sighs. "I have it tomorrow. Don't make me go!"

"Like I'd eat anything made at a bakery you work at, Jaeger."

"What was that, Kirschtein?"

"God, you guys are such a drag." Ymir cuts in, rolling her eyes. "Going out doing your cute little part time jobs and shit. Don't you ever go out to parties?"

Armin looks at the next question on his sheet. He's usually good at maths, but he thinks his friends might be impeding both his IQ and therefore his progress. He drops his pen. "I bet that's what Reiner's doing for real right now." he chips in. "He never does his assignments."

"That's so true!" Sasha nods. Silence lulls over them all after that, the conversation ending. For a brief moment, Armin believes he might be able to actually some more of his homework done after all.

"Hey, Armin?"

He recoils from his pen. He should have known. The only way he'll get anything done is if he logs off, but then he'll be on his own and he doesn't really want that. "Yes, Sasha?"

"Can you try and talk like you're not, um, well, upper class?"

That hadn't been what he'd been expecting. Not at all. "Excuse me?"

"Like that! Like a chav!" she elaborates, her mouth half full.

"Um." Armin says. Eren's frowning at the screen. He sighs. "Check urban dictionary, Eren. C-H-A-V. And no, Sasha, I won't."

"I know what that is!" Connie suddenly blurts. "I've seen Misfits!"

Ymir looks physically pained. "Why the fuck did Reiner think that damn hack was a good idea? This is actually hurting me to watch. I can't take it. I'm leaving. Christa, switch to private chat with me."

Her camera blacks out. Christa says a dainty goodbye and also disappears too, claiming she has homework to finish anyway. Armin begins to wish he'd never bothered signing on.

"Hey come on Armin, I'm interested now." Jean says, leaning back in his chair and almost overbalancing. He lets out an undignified scream, and then rights himself, blushing furiously. Eren cracks up. "But, uh, anyway, British culture is so weird." he finishes, glaring intensely at the screen.

Armin is highly tempted to point out Jean lives in a country that considers frog's legs a delicacy but refrains. "I talk fine." he says instead.

"Please Armin?" Sasha says, doe eyed.

"C'mon Armin, this'll be great." Eren adds.

"Just one word?" Connie pleads.

Armin doesn't know where to even begin, probably knows about as much of how it sounds as Eren does, but here he is, backed into his metaphorical corner. He takes a breath, sighs heavily, and finally comes out with, "...What's up, innit?"

Sasha whoops and gives a round of applause while Connie bursts into hysterics. Eren and Jean pull equal faces of confusion.

"Uh," Eren begins. "Is it just me, or..."

"Don't worry, Jaeger." Jean nods. "I don't get it either."

Armin just glances back down at his maths homework. "You're not alone there," is all he says before going back to scribbling down more answers.


	10. The One Where Reiner Braun Actually Succeeds (And Bertholdt Fucks Up Beyond All Recognition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by Maya~ Thank you!
> 
> The follow up to 'The One Where Annie Leonhardt Almost Causes a Heart Attack'! I tried the German grading system out, but only being used to the UK grading system I had to call on Wikipedia. I am so sorry if I butchered it! 
> 
> On the other hand, though, I think Annie is the actual best to write. Thanks for all the support so far!

Annie signs onto the website (she doesn't quite know why she still puts up with these losers at this point) and the first thing she sees is a snivelling Bertholdt sitting with his knees up and a sheepish looking Reiner. She has half a mind to ask what's wrong, but then she decides she doesn't really care and Bertholdt looks like that half the time anyway, and starts to set up Attack on Titan instead.

"Hold on," Reiner is saying, and while Annie _really_ doesn't care it's kind of irritating walking into the middle of a conversation and not knowing what lead up to it, "I'll go show you guys."

Bertholdt protests, but Reiner disappears quickly and he just hugs his knees closer to his chest. "Oh, Annie's here!" Sasha grins as he lets out a whimper. "We're not playing just yet. Reiner's going to tell - well, show I guess now - us why Bertl is so sad. He's been crying ever since we got on!"

"R-Reiner, don't-!" Bertholdt starts again, but then there's something white shoved into Reiner's camera. Annie glances at it while the camera focuses on the piece of paper. She raises her eyebrows.

_"Quoi? That's_ Bertholdt's exam results?" Jean scoffs. "Wow."

"Yeah," Reiner says, taking it away. "Big fat 5.0."

Annie feels indescribably irritated at the result, _very_ irritated for someone who doesn't care. "Ah, so about a U over here. What did you get, Reiner?" Armin asks curiously.

"3.7, or a C or whatever you call it." Reiner replies proudly. He holds up the corresponding piece of paper to prove it. "Totally didn't see that one coming. Bertl really dropped the ball on this one, huh?"

Annie narrows her gaze. Reiner's words are the final straw that breaks the donkey's back and Bertholdt suddenly bursts into tears, jumping up from his chair and rushing away. She faintly hears the door slam in the background, and Reiner winces. "Woah." Eren says, after a moment of silence. "Yeah, he really screwed up."

"Reiner!" Christa snaps out of nowhere. Annie is somewhat impressed she manages to get her soft voice to sound that intimidating. "How could you?! You should be supporting him right now in this time of uncertainty, not mocking him! Go and apologise, right now!"

"You tell 'im, babe." Ymir chips in helpfully.

Reiner holds his arms up in surrender. "Sure, sure, of course, right, calm down, please?" he says, and then slowly gets up. "Oi, Bertl, Bertl, come out of the bathroom, there's always next time..." he takes off the headset and walks off-camera. The others watch curiously.

"Think he'll get him out of the bathroom?" Marco asks no one in particular.

"40% chance." Mikasa answers.

A few minutes pass. Connie and Sasha start playing some ridiculous game where they play eye-spy with each others rooms. Eren starts eating the sleeve of his jumper. When Reiner finally appears, Bertholdt in tow, Annie decides she's had enough.

"Both of you." she begins when Bertholdt has wiped his eyes and both of them have put their headphones back in. "I'm disgusted."

"What?" Reiner says, baffled. Bertholdt just looks in fear.

"I worked with you. All. Night. Long. I didn't touch Attack on Titan. I didn't touch _anything._ I watched you, made you work, and you repay me with those _shoddy, useless_ results? You disgust me, the both of you."

"Ooooh." Eren says. "Annie's pissed."

"Be quiet."

"Sorry."

Reiner looks at Bertholdt and then back again. "Uh, I passed."

"Not good enough."

"A-Annie...?" Bertl stammers. "Um, next time, next time they'll b-be really good!"

He's shaking, she thinks. "Is that a fact?"

"Yes sir." Reiner says. He even salutes for added affect. "We'll be reporting for duty the moment we get our next exam dates."

"And my re-sit date..." Bertl adds mournfully.

"She's impressive." Connie says in awe.

" _Very_ impressive." Armin agrees.

Annie looks down on her losers with pride. She has trained them well.

There will be no more failure in any of them ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> America's grading system wise, Bertl's result of 5.0 would be a F and Reiner's would still be a C. Better luck next time, you two!


	11. The One Where Connie Springer Gets Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for beta-ing Maya~!
> 
> And here's the next one! Thanks for all the support so far! Me and Maya were talking about the next chapters, and she suggested some character building. I'm not sure how it'll go about yet, but we'll see!

"Connie," Sasha says, making a point to look around with her camera, "are you _sure_ you're logged on?"

"Hundred percent!" she hears him assert. She frowns at her screen, squinting. "I'm definitely here, over by the wall!"

Sasha directs her character up onto a roof, switching to first person view to look over by the wall. She spies several other players, all the usernames weird and unfamiliar (seriously, _humanity'sstrongest?_ Who did they think they were?), but no _Springles._ "Nope. There's a ton of people running around over there but I can't see you."

"We're definitely on the Shigashina server, right?" he asks, sounding mildly confused.

"Right!"

She imagines him biting the inside of his cheek impatiently. He's probably doing that fidgety thing where he bounces on his seat too. "Hurry up, Connie!" Eren suddenly demands. "We're waiting in front of the guild and I am going to _do_ this mission today!"

"You said that yesterday, Eren." Christa laughs sheepishly.

"He says it _every_ day _."_ Armin sighs, exasperated. Sasha can hear the scratching sound of a pencil. "I'm only staying for one round tonight. I'm piled with homework and I have my shift at the Surveyors tomorrow. I need an early night for once..."

"Oi, can we switch to the Trost server?" Jean asks out of the blue.

"No," Marco counters immediately. "That server glitches up and lags on me _all_ the time."

"Only because your computer is so freakin' _slow."_ Jean comments. Marco chooses not to reply. "I have the actual best luck in that server, my titan kill counts are always great there. Your little laptop-netbook-something probably just can't handle it. Hey, Jaeger, see Connie?"

"No..." Eren says, and Sasha finds him a little hard to understand, probably because he's got his fingers in his mouth or something. She thinks she hears something that sounds like a slap, and suddenly he's a lot clearer. Thank Mikasa. "Ow! Sasha, go find him."

"I'm around the guild now!" Connie protests. "No one's here!"

"Uh, yeah we are kid." Reiner attests. "I just checked Bertl's screen and I can't see you there either. We're all here. You're not."

"Just leave him out of it. I'm tired of waiting." Ymir cuts in. "If you minimize and look at Annie she's starin' at the screen all scary like. You might wanna get on with it."

Sasha puffs up her cheeks in irritation. "Hurry up, Connie! Get here!"

"I am here though!"

Sasha glances around again. "Minimize your game and point your webcam at the screen." she says. "I'm going to see for myself."

"Fine, fine." he mutters. "I am here, though..." Sasha minimizes her own game and opens the tab with the webcam site. She looks over at Connie's square in time for him to direct the camera at his computer. "There, see, there I am."

"Huh...he's right. We really _aren't_ there. And he's on the Shigashina server. Maybe it's some kind of bug?" she raises a finger to her lips. "Hey, Marco, ever heard of this?"

"No." he says, shaking his head. "If this is a bug, it's the first I've heard of it."

"Or maybe he just hasn't changed his IP address to a European one." Annie's voice cuts in. "There's a thought."

Connie stops fiddling with his webcam and realisation dawns over his face. "Oh," he says quietly.

"You _didn't?"_ Sasha asks. She takes a crisp from her packet on her desk to deal with the situation playing out in front of her. Sometimes, she thinks, that's all you can do when faced with such a high tension scenario in a video game.

"I'm changing it now! Sorry guys!" Connie says, laughing awkwardly.

"Only Connie." Mikasa says.

Sasha opens the game screen back up and a moment later, Connie comes running down the street. She lifts her character's arm and as expected, he lifts his own in a haphazard high five. "Back in action!" they cry together.

Jean mutters something about them being losers. For some reason, he gets eaten by a titan a few minutes later and no one comes to save him, even though Sasha was only a few feet away.


End file.
